I did all of this willingly, as I was committed to making our relationship work. He has called me beautiful, smart, talented, and crazy, but in a good way. But I never felt sure of my salvation, and that worried me. I'm 5'2 and 110 pounds, and I would say I'm skinnier than many people I know. I have no intention of getting high or drunk as a high schooler, and my grades are great. We all need to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and get back into the game of life. So now … It's like I, the eldest of them all *not my parents* were a mistake. If you ever feel overwhelmed by depression and self-hatred, please seek therapy. I feel like I am going to die. If you want to seize control of your life, like I did 6 years ago, then this is the online resource you need. I'm 22. I doubt they are doing this purposely, and I would guess they are unaware that you feel worthless, or that your feelings of worthlessness are related to things they do. It truly sounds like your mom could benefit from counselling, but also that she wouldn't be open to it. I'm so sorry you've had an overly critical mom. I wish you the best and wish critical mothers would realize the damage they inflict and seek healing themselves. Ask Ammanda: My relationship makes me feel worthless and empty; Ask Ammanda: My relationship makes me feel worthless and empty. The guilt card. I don't know how to deal with this. You will mourn all the things she did not do for you and the hole it left in your life. Tracking these reactions may make you feel as if you're going crazy. How proud they are. One of the features that seem to bring the adult children of toxic parents together is that, until they go into therapy, they often don't really acknowledge that their parents did anything wrong. My mother will insult me, demean me, make me feel worthless, laugh at me when I cry, push me far to hard in school, despite having the highest average in my grade, and insists that I keep everything bottled up inside, … I try my best, I want them to be proud of me, but my best is not good enough, and never will be. I love my mother, and I think she loves me but at the same time doesn't care to show it. 8. When your mother criticizes you try very hard to remind yourself that this says more about her than about you. Have you or your friends ever made statements like these? 3. 7. I feel worthless. I've never made an account for Reddit but after reading many peoples struggles and stories, I can't seem to find an answer to my problem. I have some experience in this as well, so I just wanted to say keep your chin up and your eyes focused down the road to when you can go off to college and have your own mom-free space. I am 53 years old, and the mother of three children myself and I have never treated them the way she treats me. As a child, I had been the scapegoat for all of my dysfunctional family’s issues. ... keep cleaning when they don't even clean up their own mess and keep putting you down by repeatedly telling you you're worthless and don't help around the house. This can lead to self-sabotage, destructive relationship behavior, neediness, or a variety of other attachment problems. As we grow older, it becomes easier to fall into these traps because we will then envy youth in addition to other comparable features. I am so very sorry that you are going through this. Disappointment is okay but tearing yourself down is not. I’ve heard personal, critical and sometimes nasty things about me and … Feeling now hurts for you. My parents make me feel that way. Perhaps she dislikes herself. Please try to focus on the respect and support that you get from your father. I view my mother as an extremely sick person that I have to be patient and kind with yet at the same time set limits so that I do not get hurt. If you feel like this, read up on toxic parents, go to the experts, and good luck. Take advantage of counseling services at your school. A boyfriend is not the answer to your emptiness. She never really trusted me, and let me go out with friends but not if she didn't know every detail. Trust me it’s much easier said than done. 9. 5. You make some great points. Your situation sounds very upsetting and you, like everyone else, deserve to have a mother who is the leader of your fan club. Keep in mind always that your mother clearly has issues of her own. Keep an eye on your anxiety and mood. Parents make mistakes, and they aren't mind readers. My mother has been critical of me all my life. This is a fairly basic problem. Begin to learn to appreciate yourself. And that was IT. My mum can make him laugh, it will make me happy and then I get along with her for a day or two but then she'll get me mad at me again. Multiple times, she has told me I need to work out more. I've also had great success with meditation and learning how to create a little protection thought-bubble around myself when my mother is spewing her hateful comments. They really detest my mother. She basically told me she didn't think I had morals or was a good person. She accused me of lying, saying there's no point if I have that attitude. If your parents beat you, it was to keep you in line. It can be very helpful. As long as we compare ourselves to others and feel ugly in these comparisons, we will also find ourselves feeling worthless. The worst is that a critical mother can also know how to manipulate and will draw you back in with kindness only to pull you down into her anger and self-loathing. But then OCCASIONALLY she would only be slightly upset if she knew I tried my best. I dont go out socialising and have worked hard dusring my Alevels and achieved A*AB. Again....get to the school counselor. You should never have to sacrifice yourself for another person. Dinner, money, who’s in charge of me all led to arguments. Begin to practice tuning out your mother's harsh critiques without letting her know that you are doing this. You've spent so much time suppressing your real self, from your emotions to your reactions, to deal with the onslaught of your parents that you haven't had a chance to pay attention to your own development. Develop a mantra that you repeat in your head like, "My mother is way too critical." I have very low self-esteem already, and struggle with anxiety. They say 'i love you, but you need better grades' or 'do better at what you do' or ' you can do better dammit!' Sorry mom and dad, we have cracked the code. Been grateful that my dad loves me and treats me with respect, and is always proud of me and always wants to talk to me. I would die before I even allow myself to speak the venom with which she has spewed at me over the years. I still feel a little out of sync like I am from another planet studying this weird behavior called normal. I am praying for you, sweetie. 6. Because I said so.’ “Saying ‘because I said so.’ My dad and mom did this to me and I hated it. Even onto my adult life she harshly criticizes and shows zero compassion for me. All my life i've tried to be a good rolemodel for my younger siblings. If I am not in a serving and placating position, I am not sure what to do sometimes. Do not date until your creep radar is better. If they were verbally abusive, you were acting out and deserved it. You will learn you can not trust your feelings or your gut. Growing up, I was never one of the kids that told their mom everything. But I have shoes that cost 6 bucks. Make a list of your strengths and positive qualities. Then she told me MY attitude needs to be fixed. Whether you grew up with a verbally or physically abusive parent, a manipulative one, or any of the other kinds outlined by Dr. Promise yourself that you will not become critical toward others the way your mother has been toward you. Familial toxicity is often something that children only realize exists after they reach adulthood. It's created by years of affirmation and security, and without it, the smallest knock sends us lurching into misery. After all, no one chooses to feel worthless. They just want us to be guilty enough to not do whatever we did again. Work on being compassionate and supportive toward others. Diane-It sounds like you have been more than compassionate and patient with your critical mother. You sound like a great kid who deserves better. 10. I was “selfish, evil, greedy, bad, a troublemaker, a bad influence on my younger siblings, and always made things difficult for my poor parents.” Btw, I was an honor student. This took me over 40 years, but I'm glad we stopped the visits. They never say they're proud of me. People all around the globe don't get along with their parents as best as they would wish, but thats ok because keep in mind this will only back fire when they want support when they are older. "Why don't my parents love me?" But my grown father called me worthless. You will be scared to have kids. My parents are always talking about how worthless I am and try to find every way to make me feel horrible (and they seem to have worked). I was numb. Every time I have ever needed him he rages and completely cuts off contact. He ignores me again. I did. Over the years, I've put up with this. I always apologize first, thank people for the little things, and try to make others smile.) Whenever I did try to talk to her, she would counter me and not comfort me but tear me down. Guilt....you will have lots....and you will mourn...perhaps forever.